Appreciation

I’ve been dancing 4 days this week so far. Going to make it 5 and 6 this weekend.

On Monday night, I learned the basic steps to the Brazilian dance zouk. Tuesday was a follow-up class. Besides learning the footwork and technique the most important lesson I’ve learned is two-fold:

1. Dance is about the physical connection. Sounds obvious right? But it’s easy to get wrapped up in perfecting the technique that you forget you’re dancing with another human being. Being able to lead and follow is about being in tune with with another person and it’s a large part of what makes dance fun. That genuine human connection.

2, When one of my instructors saw my frustration and focus on mastering a part of my technique, he reminded me, “it’s not about you, it’s about her. You want to make her happy. Let her show off.” I let that sink in a bit.

Yesterday and today I went to salsa class. Something felt off yesterday and I couldn’t place my finger on it. I think it was just shaking off the rust and trying to catch up to a faster pace. Today I felt much more comfortable as the instructor pointed out small adjustments that made my feel much smoother. But the biggest lesson was at the end of class.

I was chatting on the sideline to one of the guys that came with his girlfriend/wife when a woman approached me apologizing for last week (I had asked her to dance after class but she wanted to dance with her friend, which makes sense and I had completely forgotten about it). She asked if she could make it up and we danced for a bit. Now keep in mind that while I’ve been dancing salsa for a few months now and I’m not a total beginner, I’m nowhere near the comfort level where time seems to warp. And this woman was breathtakingly good, on the performance team, etc. But she was patient and she went with me, helped me fix a few things and joked around and made me comfortable when I made mistakes, which was.. quite often esp. as the track changed to a very fast-tempo song. In short, she focused on me and made me feel happy. I was literally grinning ear to ear on the way back.

Really, the key to human happiness then, is really simple: people want to feel genuinely appreciated in a nonjudgmental way.

I’m sure you’ve all been in situations where someone’s acting fake or insincere. They’ll say things for the sake of conversation but not actually mean it. And it sucks because it’s like why make the effort at all? I’m not guiltless either, but I am going to start paying more attention because it was such a good feeling. Genuine appreciation. Give and take. Or rather give > take.

spicy

Learned this during a dinner tonight over spicy Japanese curry. There is an actual scale for measuring the amount of heat a certain pepper packs. It measures the amount of capsaicin present (the stuff that causes the heat) by diluting capsaicin oil extract into a solution of sugar in water until it is just detectable by a panel of tasters. A rating of 200,000 (e.g. habaneros) indicates that the extract must be diluted some 200,000 times before the capsaicin is undetectable.

Fun fact: the suicide burrito at John’s deli in downtown SF contains ghost pepper (Bhut Jolokia, which rates around 1,000,000 Scoville heat ratings).

Source: Wikipedia.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

As kids, our parents forced us to do all sorts of things we wanted no part of. Whether it was brushing our teeth, eating our veggies, taking up sports, an instrument, etc. We hated it. It sucked. But it was for our own good, and it made us better persons. I know I’m appreciative of it. I wish my parents pushed me a bit more, in fact.

As an adult, there is no one to make you do things. No one to force you to challenge yourself. Challenge your limits. That motivation. That desire has to come from within. And it’s hard. It’s very tempting after a long day of work just to come home and veg out. That’s what most people do. No shame in it. It’s a hard life. But if you have a dream. If you have ambitions, goals, you’ve got to push yourself. You’ve got to want success as much as you want to breathe. You don’t know the possibilities until you try. You don’t know the limits until you push past them. It’s an mindset change.. start asking not why, but why not. Not can it be done, but HOW can it be done. That drive has to come from within. You have to stay hungry. Stay foolish. RIP Steve Jobs.

Warping time.

There’s a very easy test to tell if you’ve become incredibly proficient in an area. The top athletes talk about it all the time. When they’re in the zone, time slows down for them. A good NFL quarterback doesn’t see the field the same way we do as spectators. It’s literally like hitting the “action-control” time in Madden.. where  time slows down for him as he’s making his reads, processing the defense in his head and knowing exactly where to throw. Of course, the mechanics have to be deeply ingrained in muscle memory so the time and effort isn’t spent on calculating the throw. That’s second nature.

On the flip side, when you’re learning something new for the first time, everything seems super fast paced, because your brain struggles to process all the new sensations and mechanics. Salsa dancing has been like that for me. When I first started out I was so clueless and I had to think about each and every step. Now the basics are second nature.. but whenever I’m learning a new move, it’s the same sensation, that hurried sense of panic that sets in for just a moment as my brain catches up to my body.

Think about the activities you do — is time slow or fast for you?